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How to say No when your friends ask for money ??❌ #money #friends #boundaries

AdviceWithErin 129 views

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I feel like the explanation of why they're not reliable, like not being able to repay money asked for in the past may help them to understand why you're not lending money to them, but I can't help but think that people that are like this are just narcissists that would immediately rebuttal that by saying "so you're holding a grudge?" Or "I'll pay all that back if you just do this for me" or "you're more privileged than I am You don't need the money" to try to manipulate you into feeling bad
Comment from : @fionna_cool_girl

My half sister started asking me to borrow money and at first i was happy to help her out but i eventually just told her i cant help her anymore because she would always pay me back later than she said she would (always made up some excuse as to why it took longer) and she clearly had no interest in having an actual relationship with me, she would only message me when she needed something so i stopped it from happenong before it got to the point of her taking advantage of me like she does our dad
Comment from : @Braixie

First lessons from my economy teacher on loans was that loaning to friends and family is dangerous, there are usually no contracts so its difficult to get your money back if they refuse even in court My advice atleast get written proof that they agreed to loan from you under the condition you pay them back by a certain time, atleats you have a leg to stand on if they wouldent pay back
Comment from : @azaemogirl1572

My mum says don’t loan money and expect it to be payed back It’s a nice surprise if it payed back but most people won’t
Comment from : @MellaB

Never and I repeat never borrow money from your friends Period They are not banks, don’t treat them as one
Comment from : @amysimonbiz

Something for this specific scenario could be offering to store some food temporarily
Comment from : @Just_A_Transperson

If I barely know them, automatic NobrbrIf they've gotten money from me before, automatic NobrbrIf I like them, they get the option: $10 to keep or $20 to borrow & pay back They ALWAYS choose to keep the $10
Comment from : @StamperWendy

Pro tip: Never lend money If you want to bgift/b money to a friend, that's fine But make sure they know and you know it's not a loan, it's a gift and you don't expect them to pay you back This way, you never have to anxiously wait to be paid back, you can say no to all loans with no ifs, ands, or buts, and if your friend never pays you back, well, you told them not to pay you back so the relationship doesn't suffer at all But never give away money you need for you
Comment from : @thekatinator1926

LOVE the hair
Comment from : @truettrusler1485

My friends and I always treat each other and pay back what's borrowed Proud of us
Comment from : @hcf4kd1992

Loan them twice and end it from there End the friendship too
Comment from : @soneelita

You get one outstanding loan from me And if you fail to pay me back, I Will start charging interest Trust me, you don't want to borrow money from me
Comment from : @eleviathan4621

No
Comment from : @CM-pm2qr

Nope, the appropriate response is, "Ooh, I'm sorry but you already owe me $800 for your dog's vet bill and I can't loan you more money until it's paid back You would simply get too far into debt, and I wouldn't want that"
Comment from : @Quagthistle

Always get it in writing
Comment from : @Ingrid-sb6my

If a friend won’t loan you money it means they think your life is worthless Find better friends
Comment from : @DarrenRivey

This happened to me, but I was only 12 and i didn't understand gambling/Bingo An old friend's mother has a dangerous addiction of gambling and I thought I was helping her when she needed the money of 300$ I don't think I ever got it back after all these years, but I'm older, smart and aware to make sure who I can help or not to help, etc
Comment from : @kko1405

Honestly my first instinct was something along the lines of, "Alright, let's set up a payment plan!" btakes out calendar/b
Comment from : @annieboookhall

Yep, my grandfather has always said “don’t lend money you can’t afford to give away”
Comment from : @islandrebelmakeup4653

Never lend money to friends I would lend money to anyone except friends If you want to keep your friends don't
Comment from : @bellagreen6660

I think if you’re going to lend money, count it as a gift that won’t be paid back
Comment from : @NanetteWoolston

I agree with @hkesel05 , If you can help, expect not to get it back, don't lend If you absolutely have to, the be aware: any type of interest makes you genuinely a horrible person
Comment from : @ang5798

I love all the people in the comments using biblical wisdom in lending without expectation of return (gifting) brbrSo true
Comment from : @actmrhata5079

I think it would also be super appropriate to say "ive lent you a lot of money recently and im not comfortable giving you any more until youve paid me back" Sometimes giving the 'why' plainly and calmly can help feel more sure in the boundary!
Comment from : @elou8933

No
Comment from : @MsFluorescence

Fuck that If you're a real friend, call them out for not paying you back last time, call them out for blowing 300 on sneakers, tell them their own spending habits are why they're in a bind now and they need to do better And still say no Expect your friends to do better for themselves
Comment from : @JohnnyAppleseed-yl6fo

I’m eastern european and this seems so weird and cold to me 🤨 If your FRIEND is in desperate need of help, and you have a stable well paying job, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just help them out? Purely because it’s an inconvenience? Okay Good luck, nobody is going to help you once YOU’RE the one in trouble
Comment from : @angeliquekozireva209

Thank you for not trying to justify your answer—so many times when I’ve had people want something from me, I feel the need to justify myself by over explaining But when the manipulator hears my reasons, they only see cracks in the armor to guilt-trip me into accepting their grift “Oh, you’re busy? I didn’t realize, I had so much more to do because I have two kids, you can’t even imagine how much I have to get done in a day” “Are you sure you can’t help out? You’re the one always saying we need to be there for each other” Or even worse: “I can’t believe you’re throwing that in my face” “Your privilege is really showing, and I don’t think you really want to help others out, you just want to virtue signal”
Comment from : @TheLyricalCleric

Erin, could you make a video on study-work ? If that's even a thing in the US? I'm going through it right now
Comment from : @Phoenix-ez7le

Why is it so hard for some people to just pay it back? I always pay back my debts as soon as I can
Comment from : @justjay2955

This happened to me two years back My oldest childhood friend Live and learn right
Comment from : @Branmuffin7

Best advice I’ve heard about lending money is if you have the money that you could give it to them and them not paying you back wouldn’t be a problem for you, why wouldn’t you just give it to them? Waiting for them to pay you back messes with your relationship with them brbrDon’t lend people money If a bank won’t give them a loan you shouldn’t either
Comment from : @audreyyoung4852

Never lend money I expect back
Comment from : @wabi_sabi52

I was given the advice that should have friends and family owe you money Fine to give but not to loan Another was in this case, give them $200, not a loan, just give it But on the understanding that they don’t ask you for money again Either they’re cool with it, or you learn who your real friends arent
Comment from : @jak3915

Unless your card doesn’t work for some legit reason, I honestly don’t see why you would ever need to borrow 200$ from someonebrbrAnyone who has to BORROW 200$ for an emergency like a fridge is simply not good with money and you should never lend them any… No matter your tax bracket, you should have an emergency fund that is larger than 200$!!! Also, if they can’t afford 200$ this month, how are they gonna afford the EXTRA 200$ in the next?
Comment from : @sarahtaavetti

Please please do more of these videos
Comment from : @ColeighColeWee

I once let my ex borrow 100 or so because he was short on rent He paid back all but $15 after I pestered him for a year post breakup So I guess, happy birthday, Christmas, break-up day, and every other holiday for the rest of his life? May he live long enough to make himself worth $15brbrbrOn the flip side, i racked up $100 debt from my mom with a ton of little charges from things and she wanted me to pay her back but i am still living paycheck to paycheck My sister gave me the funds to pay our mom back and now i owe my sis over $100 that she says i can pay back whenever, even if it is years from now She still lives with our parents and makes more money than me and isn't married so she says that she doesn't miss the money and knows i will pay her back And that if she had the money she will only spend it Though me owing her money is kinda a weird way to save
Comment from : @jojostorm193

The few times I have had to asked money from friends and family We pay it back immediately (the same week or even following day) I think that trust people put in me, needs to be reciprocated with gratitude
Comment from : @odasoto7419

My favorite part was when they said no
Comment from : @ArisenAvenger39

Can you do one about telling a friend that their addiction to drama and social media is not cool 😂
Comment from : @phoenixluna4137

"No" is a complete sentence
Comment from : @berry-w-243

Portraying this as the “broke friend” is incredibly disgusting
Comment from : @keenanhero3392

STOP DOING this ! FRIENDS do not USE you !
Comment from : @samreynolds3789

If you give money, never expected it back
Comment from : @dtetv8499

Tuesday she’ll be broke asking to borrow again Rule one try not to let friends know you have extra #2 Tell them you’ve had bad experiences before so you don’t lend money to friends or family
Comment from : @donnasuelove416

There are things I offer to give I am generous with it I lend a colleague my car for a weekend I lend another colleague one of my suitcases for the next year so she doesn't have to buy a big, stable and light weight one (my boyfriend and i have two smaller ones that are more than enough for the trips we plan for this year) I offered my sister to help her out financially because I knew she would have it hard (she didn't take the offer though and managed on her own Glad she did so!) I offer things when I feel you could need the help and if I can provide the help without causing me discomfort If someone asks me though, I'd probably say no I offer help if I feel like it All of the people above also never took my offers for granted or asked me for more
Comment from : @piaschaelicke3543

Learned this too late :( my old boss used to ask for money every single time I got paid And once I set a boundary comviently lining up with 2 weeks before I was off probation she let me go And of course never paid back anything
Comment from : @morganpants5269

Just say nonot really advice
Comment from : @marlenathorvald

Sure, I can lend you $200, as soon as you repay me the $800 you owe me from the vet ✅️
Comment from : @Jerusalem_Warrior

I don't make friends with people who do this, ever Problem solved hehe I am nice to everyone, but no one who would do this naturally makes it into my inner circle
Comment from : @erinbuxton6787

It’s so incredibly problematic that enough people haven’t been taught boundaries and there’s such a deficit in social interactions that people need a video explaining that saying “no” is okay and that stating your stance and sticking to it is okaybrbrBtw this isn’t a negative comment about your video or about the people who need it I just hate that so much of our society is like this
Comment from : @chemijay

A person willing to pay you back wouldn't buy new sneakers Just say no and stop being an enabler of their bad spending habits If they cut off your friendship, you don't lose anything
Comment from : @latinlover769

And that’s how you end up on judge Judy
Comment from : @PurpleNoir

When I lend money, I GET my money back Period I don’t care if I come off as a bitch
Comment from : @katiefrolichman

I never lend money If I have the extra I will give it to the and tell them not to worry about paying it back Lending can make messes in relationships that I choose not to create or deal with So I give when I can, and refuse when I can't
Comment from : @crystalandrews8393

Wanna hear something really wild along these lines? brbrI have a relative who had begun regularly asking to borrow money, always paid back in full, but he realized this was becoming a habit and wanted motivation to live within his budgetbrbrSo he gathered the people he usually asked and told them borrowing money was becoming a habit i need to break, so from now on, any money i borrow, I'll pay back on the date i tell you & I'm going to add 20-50 on top of what i borrowed and if i don't pay you back on the day i told you, I'll give you double what i borrowed!brbrHe hung up the IOU's he had on his bathroom mirror & he said it gave him the motivation to be wiser with his money & within 5 weeks, he'd begun staying within his budget enough to the point he stopped borrowing from anyonebrbrAlso said it would've driven him deeper in debt to keep paying the "loan shark" amounts he promised 😜
Comment from : @fultonpierce8484

I borrowed money from a friend to buy my family a set of bed sheets as a gift for Easter However, the prevous month, I had to take sick leave, so my paycheck was much smaller than what I was expecting I told her what I needed to buy with the money, I showed her the gift on the website, and the receipt once I bought it It was something like 2 weeks from my next paycheck, and I had money for bills and food, but nothing extra I gave my family those sheets, they love and use them often, and I paid back my friend the day I got my regular paycheck
Comment from : @dianal3827

Yep one big thing to learn is never lend someone a certain amount of money that could hurt you financially
Comment from : @7isthekeytoheaven

I don't even lend books that I can't live without
Comment from : @susanlewis1875

Simply decided years agoi dont loan money, its either a gift or a NO
Comment from : @TheDjcarter1966

Advise your friend to call 211 for local, state, and federal help (in the US) Maybe this friend is eligible for help, but the person doesn't know 211 refers the person to food pantries, social services, and several private-run charitiesbrFor the dog problem, look for TNR programs and foster people They are amazing and know many low-cost resources for petsbrChurches (several denominations) hold second-hand clothing/household materials and food pantriesbrJust call 211
Comment from : @danisteffen-translations

I find one solution for this I never lend, I give without the expectation of getting it back even if they promise they will give it back
Comment from : @sgo1oneill

Good timing, my friend just asked me for money😮
Comment from : @sharonkillian875

I have a friend who is well off At this time in our lives he was not a millionaire but he was not hurting for money brWhen I was starting my business and had a newborn child my business had a setback that would have ruined it The bank was no help and my friend offered to lend me the money to fix the issue I refused because I knew I would not be able to pay him back for years He said you can give me equity in your business or pay it back over time brThats how he became a 10 owner in my company and hes gotten more than 100x his money back over the past 40 years
Comment from : @richb1576

No is a complete sentence Words i need to hear often
Comment from : @candycemonroe7345

People who buy 300$ shoes but don’t have an emergency fund are people you need to RUN from Don’t keep company like this cause they only keep people around to use them and they have no sense of responsibility
Comment from : @NicolesMinnesotaOrganics

Girl, you're wise beyond your years in so many ways Love your advice
Comment from : @kzfingerprint

yup, lent 4k to a friend and i'm never getting it back it got her kids out of a charitible situation but i'll never bail her out again
Comment from : @cometasporelcielo

Truth If I ask you for money and you say no, we still hang out and I don't bring it up again I might ACTUALLY be emotionally hurt over the incident, but I KNOW that you said no for a reason, and if I respect you, I move the hell on
Comment from : @libbydavis5348

I seriously will NEVER understand how people feel no shame asking for money I remember having to ask my friend for a $1 for the vending machine and I felt so terrible that I gave them $5 the very next day
Comment from : @KIWIMADNEZ

I stay away from these people simple
Comment from : @DashzRight

Am I the only one who'd never do that shitbrbrMost I have lent away are just one euro and 100€ to my cousine, but the latter was a gift to support her theough university among high inflation
Comment from : @ManiyaVinas

Balanced, fair, common sense advice It’s really refreshing to see a channel built on that
Comment from : @Jonwisniewski04

I think NPR lifekit had an episode on this Basically what a lot of people here are saying, don't lend money you dont have or need back Give when you can, if you want to, but don't be resentful if you don'tbrI have more sympathy because I have a coworker going through this Very short on money, but seems pretty responsible and has plans to pay back
Comment from : @niko3955

Nope never hand out cash I helped a friend out a few times
Comment from : @naomiemoore5725

never loan money if you have the money to gift and want to help someone, gift it otherwise dont give it to anyone
Comment from : @gardenandcalico

No is a full sentence
Comment from : @RealJonSarge

Absolutely solid advice!
Comment from : @cayceeadams

U ARE my big sister!!!
Comment from : @shifanakoya4286

I sometimes give money but I I have always had a personal policy that I don't lend money And I will say it that "I have a personal policy that I don't lend money to anyone"
Comment from : @DogmaGirlAD

Learning to say no to family and friends is one of the most valuable money lessons you can learn
Comment from : @timstewart1098

Money lent is money gone forever brbrIf someone close to me asks to borrow money, especially multiple times without paying back, I will stare through their pupils into their souls, and ask for the ultimatum between the few hundred dollars or a continued relationship with me It's one or the other brbrAs soon as that person takes the money, that person is getting blocked on all possible ways, and our common acquaintances will all be notified of their choice to ensure the cutoff from them for good
Comment from : @satomz

Yeah Real friends do get over it I basically check that I can afford it If I can't I have to say no to not also go broke
Comment from : @terhisomersalo8588