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What works better than punishments for kids with ADHD - ADHD Dude - Ryan Wexelblatt

Frames What works better than punishments for kids with ADHD - ADHD Dude - Ryan Wexelblatt

Description What works better than punishments for kids with ADHD - ADHD Dude - Ryan Wexelblatt

Comments What works better than punishments for kids with ADHD - ADHD Dude - Ryan Wexelblatt

My student who I will call Student A, has ADHD and has an unhealthy attachment to a student who is considered behavioral special needs Student A does anything and everything for the other students approval even if it means acting like them or getting into trouble The other student barely wants to befriend Student A and is often very mean to him/her Student A craves attention and also comes off with much sensitivity and mini tantrums when he/she can’t get his/her way And of course when i try to hold Student A accountable, the student lies and refuses to change the behavior 🤦🏾‍♀️ Comment from : @LuvYrsf1972frst3

As an adult with ADHD that was and has a child with it as well, this is so helpful it made me cry, lol My mom didn't listen to doctors/teachers and I basically just grew up believing something was wrong with me or I was innately a bad person because I couldn't just function "right" Now, I'm trying to raise my son with more understanding, I see all of my own past behaviors happening with him, but I'm not equipped to help despite sharing all the same experiences Excited to spend more time watching these and changing the cycle Thank you Comment from : @jadeylee3760

So just let my boy do whatever he wants and not learn any consequences? Oh you got kicked off the bus today? That’s cool go ride your dirt bike Comment from : @mikevernacchio5384

Wow! I’m a father of two (5 year old girl and 3 year old boy) The boy is basically adhd This thing about doing something nice for the other person (usually his sister and his mother) blow my mind! I use to punish him (spanking), in my baby girl this works but not in my baby boy This video really got me and got to me a new perspective on this issue I really appreciate this video Thanks a lot! Comment from : @retroman252

My brothers and sisters have ADHD and they drive me towards insanity Comment from : @KOA-r3b

My 11 year old ADHD daughter lies and steals frequently Can you please advise on how to approach this Thank you Comment from : @n451a

What if they just sit there and refuse to move Comment from : @JayBravoJ

My poor son spent his whole life being told off at school and at home, no wonder he is a very miserable adult with very low self esteem Comment from : @melanieparry

Love the advice from others who are steps ahead of me Comment from : @GodlyMomTalk

My 6 year old niece with ADHD also appears to be devoid of empathy For example pets are merely objects, like her toys, for her amusement We have to watch her around the poor dog and cats for their well being Comment from : @23ograin53

An ADHD dad of an ADHD son here I'm frightened that the ONLY thing that DOES WORK is punishment as long as it's immediate and not too severe (not raising too much emotions) Building good habits and good relationships works great, but impossibly slow A simple "Start on the task or finish playing before I count to 3 or no computer games today 1 2" works every time :( Comment from : @bulhakov

Does the ADHD or ADD or ODD include stealing and lying? Isn’t there also a PTD? Comment from : @annroberts9113

I wish my teachers and principal and dad had seen this back around 1980 The world was a very dark place, because it seemed that there was nothing in life but punishments And so I lived in constant dread of what was going to happen next I didn’t feel safe at home, and I didn’t feel safe at school I’m not sure why it never occurred to them that punishments don’t seem to work with this kid Finally, in the middle of winter, at the age of 12, I hitchhiked 200 miles away to try to escape Comment from : @seancrist9538

I was ADHD as a kid, but I got the cane at school and that sorted me out OK In fact all the ADHD kids at my school got the cane back in the 1950's, and we all went on to become upright citizens Of course that was before the stupid internet arrived to make us all crazy Comment from : @DavidLockett-x4b

And how exactly do you get the child to actually do those things to clean up to take accountability?? Comment from : @Mrskess

Now I know why punishment never worked for me🤦‍♀ being diagnosed late with Autism and ADHD Comment from : @LateDiagnosedAutism

What are some things that don’t have consequences in real life that should be ignored? My gut tells me you are right, but my head is struggling with what those things are Comment from : @Ineversayanything

getting desensitized to punishment is so true, brmy Sunday school class was full of ADHD boys, and they were constantly acting up, so parents were always called, however, nothing ever changed, because after a while, they didn't react to the threat of corporal punishment Comment from : @MaggieSue327

I'm someone with ADHD and whenever my parents tried to punish me my behaviour just got worse Comment from : @danandlaundry

The number of times I went without tv or video games as a punishment went right up until I left home Comment from : @byrongardner9299

Hi love your videos my daughter add ADHD thank you for your teaching bliss Amen Comment from : @BrainneLewis-d1x

Honestly as a mom who had a child in her early teen years, my kid is now 10 She has been diagnosed with ADHD and it does seem far a punishment she doesn’t care My mom and sister help raise her and we all talk to her and everything Take things away from her and she still doesn’t seem to care I need to look into things that’ll get her more active because it seems like she’s so focused on being disobedient I’m currently in tears rn because I just don’t know what to do It seems she wants to follow the wrong path every time Will definitely try taking this approach Comment from : @her2968

Hi adhd dude I am a 13 year old going through a tough time like doing stuff i'm not supposed to do, not doing as i am told, etc this video really helps, so thanks! Comment from : @itzkxydenyt

Seriously refreshing to hear you say you believe in consequences Gonna start using this advice Comment from : @profetik777

Wish my parents could have seen this 40 years ago Comment from : @canaan5337

I have a 3 year old who doesn't listen to anything He can hear just fine but it goes in one ear out right out of the other I am stuck in limbo on how to discipline him because he's still learning how to process his feelings and navigate the world so i don't know how to yet Comment from : @JustStacey27

Im trying to find new ways to help my younger brother as he is getting into trouble a lot at school and at home there are a lot of arguments with our dad My dad tries his absolute best to make sure my brother learns from his bad behaviour but nothing ever really changes and he continues doing bad things when he has been told not to I think my dad could try the cleaning up technique and make sure my brother does something positive to counter the negative thing that has happened eg yelling at a teacher, maybe sending them an email or making a card for them to show he is sorry But t’s difficult to get him to want to take accountability as he is 13 and for some reason he just keeps doing the same things over and over We don’t know if it is his ADHD or just his hormones as he is just turned a teenager but it is getting very difficult for my dad to parent him as he is very rebellious and continues doing the same wrong things all the time Keeps arguing with him Always needs to be right and have the last word Never takes no for an answer and even when there’s a reason, he will keep on pushing and says he doesn’t understand I think it might be better if me and my dad (as i care for my brother too) look for different methods accountability and teaching, because the ones we have at the moment are clearly not working, and instead of blaming my brother, maybe we should try a different technique Any advice would be great, thank you Comment from : @EvanBateman1

If you take out the words "with adhd" you get an honest break down of how to raise a normal child Comment from : @Jameskelvin89

I'm not sure how to judge if there is real life consequences Comment from : @lynetteprinsloo6184

Do you have any other examples of how to clean it up? When my girlfriends 3 year old is hitting due to frustration what should we do in that moment? Thanks! Comment from : @drewbeedoobeedooooooo4821

My son isn’t quite diagnosed but he has been kicked out of multiple daycares cause yelling nor punishment works I grew frustrated at times I don’t even want to exist but it just gets worse popping and yelling doesn’t work headaches just make my blood pressure go up At this moment I don’t even know how to feel within because all the small kisses on the feet and hands as a baby seem to turn into pops and punishment at 3 going on 4 I’m trying I hope this works cause all therapy is down for 16 months out For anyone with tips from your experience as a child with ADHD or have children with it I am more than willing to listen what could be better steps to help him Comment from : @iiiamtrinitee

Thumbs up for keeping it short and still clear 👍 Comment from : @adnanabbasi8535

Thankyou! You make sense Comment from : @fuegodeamoryvida2772

I believe discipline and accountability are more appropriate and effective than punishment Comment from : @BrianSeguin-nl3sk

I need the whole video of this LORD! Comment from : @QwonaC_33

punishments do not work, accountability does not work, mindfulness does not help, my son refuses to try meditation, and he simply does not seem to care when he is hurtful which is daily Medications do nothing, therapy does nothing, me as his father practicing affective calmness (amongst other things) has done nothing In spite of all we have done and continue to do to try to help him succeed he seems to want to live this life Unfortunately, I am afraid the only solution for him at 12 -13 years of age is psychiatric hospitalization and likely living in a group home I am concerned that since he is unwilling to put in any effort or attempt any strategies, there is nothing more that can be done At this point he is becoming a danger to himself and others It makes me physically ill to think about this as his only prospect Comment from : @drawgameer0

This is not helpful to me because you are asking to ask the ADHD kid to "do" something but what about kids who plainly say no to any of the consequences as things to do??? Comment from : @mofimTV

Yes!! Being accountable!! Comment from : @TShirtAndReeboks

We used to live in a condominium with a swimming pool and playground, so I’d let my ADHD son loose in the pool or playground when he was getting into one of his moods He’d be more reasonable after that and a shower But we moved to a place without a pool and, due to covid, he wasnt going out as much for a few years So we’ve been at laggerheads for quite a while until I recently discovered just telling him to stand at a corner with his arms up for as long as HE wants to stand… His fury seems to wind down after a while, and I just need to do 15 min checks on whether he feels okay and ready to leave the corner Afterwards, he’s often calm enough to finish whatever he was meant to be finishing My husband asks me why I have him put his arms up, and I mentioned that otherwise, he just seems to find other ways to distract himself What I find most interesting is that he finishes his school work and studying within 5-20 minutes because he’s got a high IQ, but his inertia and moods can make the pre-studying stage last hours Once a teacher even called me letting me know my son had missed an entire exam, which we were very certain he would’ve aced otherwise I hope and pray there’s a light at the end of this tunnel for my boy… What mother wouldn’t worry about her child’s possible inability to hold down a job, a loving relationship, or even to simply pursue a passion or a hobby? Comment from : @tocino4

What If they refuse to do nice things for the person they just punched My son will hurt his younger siblings I don't no what to do I need help Comment from : @emmajanecates298

How would you deal with a child that writes the wrong answer even though you already taught the way and have the answer?? Comment from : @TheBartholomewJinPing

What are good consequences for a teenage boy with ADHD? Comment from : @candance8674

Hi, im easther here my son have adhd he is in 5 th grade now he have his own choices he wont accept to our choice of school to educate him , his standards are high to lifestyle he expects from us the same he have uounger brother he is normal and helpful sometimes he is hurt bcos brother responses handling physical in rude way, but here i came to check which kind of schooling in good for adhd child who is 6th grade in i dia we are living in now we planned to shift his school and lot of arguments regards to this with him bcos he is in his own choices he doeant think how much parents as sudder foe that life wheather they afford it or not he dont think anything he just needs his wishes to be met thats all so i need some guidance professionally if you have opinion about it Thanks 😊 Comment from : @manjulashivappajotrannavar1349

I am adhd kid and I hate this video to s fuck Comment from : @Gerty229

Thank you 💕 Soo muchbrKeep simple and shortbrGod bless you sir Comment from : @ekenechristyike5461

Thank you! We’ll keep this in mind for the future, very helpful! Comment from : @duncansutherland47

👋🙇‍♂️🥊🥊🤕 Comment from : @antonioranaudo5515

As a WAY over-punished child, this is SO right on! Comment from : @ana419

So true Their immune to the punishment They need to learn and understand why they did something wrong Punishment is useless if you don't teach them for every action is a reaction The world will chew you up and spit you out if you continue on a certain path You need to learn from your mistakes and be apologetic and remorseful for forgiveness Comment from : @YolandaSmith-zs1rl

My daughter was not punishable I learned to talk to her about the situation and listen Letting her come to the realization of her actions being good or bad Comment from : @roxanne1092

The first thing I learned as my son grew, was consequences for your actions There has to be consequences as a child of ADHD He had these words instilled in him when he was just five he had to listen to these words over and over and over and over and over and over and he realized as he got older, there would always be consequences for his actions He’s 32 now and he lives on his own with a job He’s bought a house and a car and he realizes there will always be consequences for his actions so he is now responsible for them Comment from : @lauriepolden6594

I kinda understand what your saying… thanks Comment from : @tezcoproductions4403

Watching this crying because my poor child all she hears from me and her dad is criticism she has such hard time focusing at school she’s smart but can’t finish her work on time Hate to put her on any medication but it seems to get worse Comment from : @letaynichols1505

This sounds like good discipline advice for all kids😊 Comment from : @resilientjourneys8117

Thank you May the Lord bless you Comment from : @LordJesusForgiveUsOfOurSins

Can you give examples of how to “clean it up” my kid has a lot of issues with sharing and sometimes with following directions So if I ask him to do something nice to make up for being mean to other kids or stealing from them he often doesn’t listen even if I try to help him do it after the episode Comment from : @rynweldon5457

That also teaches kids reaponsibility Comment from : @FISHUNTREECOUNTRY

Thank you so much! Even that tip about not saying "think before you act" really speaks to me I'm the parent of an ADHD child and we actually haven't even gotten her diagnosed but because it runs in the family I see a lot of it in heranyhow I've used that phrase a lot because she's honestly a genius so it's really hard for me to understand why she can't think through stuff before she does things to hurt others, etc But thank you for helping me understand that better I'm really interested to hear more😊 Comment from : @erint933

This is true facts👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I have ADHD and it's NEVER worked for my mom to punish me In fact it actually made me more cunning and clever I was able to make it seem like I was compliant and good on the outside but I was really doing what I wanted when she wasn't there Comment from : @emperorlelouch5696

I have a 6yr old grandson who hasn't been diagnosed , he was on phenobarbital when he was born He is acting out in class short attention sapn and hyper seems like all the time hopefully your advice will be good tips for us? Comment from : @charlotteweatherspoon9020

Thank you so much for this video Its hard to find good videos about parenting from a Dad perspective Comment from : @williambetts4417

Excellent video My 8 year old has been suspended from school for one day because of his impulsive behavior in class What can I do? Is it ok this kind of punishment for a boy with ADHD? Comment from : @Moroshita1406

I’m a parent with ADHD Diagnosed in 2022 So really, I still have my training wheels on This is so helpful as I’ve been in a “rigid thinking” rut for far to long and am actively looking for alternatives ❤ thank you! Comment from : @arhansen85

My kid throws school books out of the window, or just flushes them! And I had to see the teachers every day for his new complaints lost don’t know what to do? Comment from : @crystal9060

Love tou Comment from : @dianaandjuangonzalez8981

Is there a link to the correct website please Comment from : @ernestinatakyiwaa2677

My 11 year old was just diagnosed with ADHD and would love to know what to do about the game Fortnite We take it away a lot but is that something we shouldn’t be doing? Comment from : @stephybaby517

I think many people that would say "don't punish" agree with your stance but would consider what you are talking about as "discipline" vs punishment Thank you for clarifying what I was already thinking in many regardsbrbrDo you have any recommendations for when either adhd child simply gets ice/etc and doesn't seem to actually care when injuring sibling? Or when something nice is done (brought a popsicle) hurt sibling starts trying to get something (like a popsicle) every time even when it's not within parental boundaries? I hope that makes sense Comment from : @michellestewart8679

My son is 21 now and this is great advice! Comment from : @lynneSpiration

My son has adhd and I just got diagnosedat 34 😅brThis is amazing Comment from : @beautifulrecovery2337

I love the term "clean up" Comment from : @KevinFlory993

I was regularly disciplined physically (ie, physically assaulted) because I "just never learned" to "do things the right way the first time" My parents still won't admit that what they did was wrong Comment from : @pauldyson8098

Thank you I have been asking child behaviourists how to help when they misbehave brThey just redirect it at me of don't punish them But never answer how to correct the behaviour brThis helps, because punishment (time out, if something dangerous a slap on bum) just seems to make it worse brI'll try this brI've a girl 6 and a boy 3 both ADHD As both myself and husband have it I was diagnosed with ADD and him ADHD I've since learned they are same thing now Comment from : @hollysmith1347

Man as a kid that grew up in okdhs ive had the full gambit of the punishment styles: from spanking (only made me mad and never actually worked also i have a kink for it now so yeeeeaaahhh), to timeouts (one time i literally found a couple dust bunnies on the floor and just played with those), writing down on a piece of paper x number of times that i will not do i_/i or i will do a chore etc (that one i would just go one letter at a time all the way down the paper Lol, is it faster? Idk but for some reason it felt faster than just writing the entire sentence out over and over), having my games taken away and grounded to my room (i love to read, i literally had one of the best spring breaks because without my games i finally got around to reading all my books In fact, i probably love books as much as i do now BECAUSE of that particular punishment😅), one time i wasnt allowed to have any fri3nds over for my birthday because i got a D in math that one hurt yes, but all it did was make me resent those particular foster parents brbrHonestly most of the time that stuff didnt work because it was just normal to me Like, im sorry that im not just gonna sit there and sulk like you wanted, my brain just doesnt work that way If you try o remove all the stimulus im just gonna make my own 😅 ive heard some foster parents say that im just opositionally defiant, but most of the time i didnt even understand what i did wrong How am i supposed to learn a lesson if you dont help me fix what im doing wrong? Leave me to my own devices and ofc im gonna entertain myself somehow😅 Comment from : @canisarcani

This was me My parents tried so much - essays, privileges, rewards For me it was so hard to lose things while my brothers got rewards so much more easily I just got used to it - no computer, no library no video games It sucked always being in trouble It was normal, with the exception of easy things like not hurting your siblings Comment from : @emilyanne1311

My son has ASD, and this took some getting used to I realized early on that traditional discipline measures were not only ineffective, but counter productive Comment from : @finaoo1167

As a former kid with ADHD I can say that when my dad punished me for having bad grades it just made me feel more hopeless Comment from : @Yawgmoth904

This is great Thank you Good advice that seems well thought out and makes sense Comment from : @patientestant

Hmmm, “instead of punishing them, make them go out and do something nice for someone” I like that… Comment from : @woohunter1

Oh ok yah thats why he’s starting not to care Comment from : @raeraed7147

How do we incorporate this for a 4 year old? His behavior is ADHD like but he is also 4 Simply trying to minimize the voilence at daycare and the outbursts but again he is only 4 years old Thank you! Comment from : @nataliepotesta1995

I grew up in the 90's (class of 2000) and my mom was a teacher that had a firm understanding of ADD I couldn't watch TV or play video games unless I wrote down my homework assignments and got the teacher for each class to initial it each and every day Comment from : @matthewsermons7247

I believe in discipline Not punishment! Comment from : @drmatarkin2100

I’m 44 now I spent more time grounded than I did outside playing, the punishments were severe And it’s true I become so desensitised to everything they could thrown at me, nothing worked 🤷‍♂️ Comment from : @gregorypeck876

The trick is to not label a person and instead find a hobby they like and you’ll see them develop focus in no time Comment from : @51sicboy

My Dad told my Mom that I was "unpunishable" growing up One time I got put on restriction from everything Literally everything I could eat, go to school, do my homework, and that was it so I made paper airplanes and just came up with crazy cool designs brbrSOOO many parents need to see this advice It's not the fault of the child or the parent, it's just that the child has no idea what's going on or what's wrong with them (because duh, of course they don't), and the parents were never tought how to deal with a kid with ADHD Most of the time the parents are just doing what was done with them, because it's all they know how to do When it doesn't work, they just think they aren't being severe enough so they try even harder, and the ADHD kid remains unfazed brbrYou couldn't stop my mind from wondering as a kid I had unlimited energy and didn't think about the next step I was going to take until I took it In hindsight, Adderall would have GREATLY helped, but when I was growing up all we had was Riddilin, and it turned me into a zombie, so my parents took me off of it Many ways to help your kids with ADHD become their best selves, so don't be afraid to try this guy's advice I KNOW it would have helped my parents out Comment from : @HarrisonDuRant

That honestly should be the case for all kids Parents need to put thought into every way they engage/don't engage their kids Comment from : @arcguardian

Honestly this goes for kids in general Your goal as a parent should be to end up with a functional, mature, capable adult, not an obedient child, and the best way to do that is to teach responsibility The only thing punishment teaches is to hide transgressions better Comment from : @frankm2850

Any Tips for a child with ADHD and High Functioning Autism? for a Parent that also has both? Comment from : @thebtm

We tried the cleaning up afterwards, does not work :( Comment from : @Dinadino994

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