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Hiding money from the narcissist

DoctorRamani 47 views

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My life eas terrible with my violent ex He tried to control who l saw what l read who l spoke to etc Zl had to find a eay around it as l refused to be dictated to by him but it had to be done in s way he would not notice eg books l knew he would not approve of me reading l read in the car ehen l was out shopping
Comment from : @Ann-eb8dp

I hid money so that l could run away I started a new job and put the money in an account in my name He did actually ask what l was doing with it I told him it was an emergency account if anything goes wrong Years later l found that he usually had thousands in cash that l didn't know about plus l think he stole from our business Very easy in those days before credit cards
Comment from : @Ann-eb8dp

I formed a trust and put all of my assets in it and left him one dollar It cost me $2,000 to have a lawyer set it up, but it was well worth it He would have drawn me dry And, of course all of his family thought he was always supporting me, when I had to pay off the mortgage, pay off a line of credit he took out, etc
Comment from : @np100

I have to hide money from my husband i secretly opened an account when i opened one for my kids and i put my sister as the beneficiary I'm a SAHM for 8 going on 9yrs were in therapy and i said it but i don't think he caught on I have a joint account and my own but i hide money away whenever he gives me money I feel bad and uncomfortable lying but i do it to survive!
Comment from : @patriciachicco9763

It made me feel powerful
Comment from : @robbieengel2501

I saw the title, and I said "just do it Just hide money from Narky"brThe less that they they get resources; the better off all of us are
Comment from : @lindac6919

I did that since he ask for all my money after losing my job
Comment from : @jo-anblanchet-girard5488

If I had stayed with my mother, there's no way that she would have let me get a job as soon as I was able to do it She had to control everything When I was with my wife, I felt as if my every move was tracked When I went back to school and I had some grant money ( around $3000 in 2002 dollars ) left over and I lived it up whenever she wasn't around
Comment from : @williamjdovejr8613

This is me everything u said 🤯🤔 thank you Dr Ramani ❤ im making bigger moves now🤯🙌 i have to
Comment from : @everythingisokr8

IbrWhen I go shopping groceries or dept store I take my grown son with me and buy him what ever he wants I think if I die first he won’t get a thing
Comment from : @snowbunny1285

Get money when you go to the grocery store when they ask do you want cash back
Comment from : @snowbunny1285

I am autistic, have ADHD, and have an intellectual disorder My brother seems narcissistic because he is not the best at helping me with budgeting, but I don't know anymore 😂 I am trying to budget, but I think he always takes over
Comment from : @3vanescent96

Since I started working part time after years of caring for my Autistic son, I finally have my own bank card Although I am still doing most of the house chores daily, including getting our son ready for school every morning, grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning 🧹 But I treat the house work as a job now, so I can feel less guilty to use my husband 's money to live and save up my own income for further needs such as buying myself a vehicle, possible divorce and things I want for myself or my son especially air tickets to take my son to visit my parents in another country yearly Still, I often feel guilty, I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do, but I really can't see a way to feel happy and insecure in life, my husband used to shame me for needing to see my parents every year or missing my hometown ( China) so much He said it's a luxury for people to travel overseas like that, we shouldn't be expecting it like a regular thing to do But I soooo crave love and support, and the homesickness is just getting worse as the year passes by I still remember there were multiple times I wanted to end my life during COVID because of it Anyway, thanks for the video, it makes me feel like I'm not a totally bad person for being so selfish
Comment from : @viviankang

12:24 😂😂😂 I love this DrRamani throwing shade I would bet you haven’t seen a narcissistic family like mine that is so different yet similar but it’s so strange and it can only be understood by professionals like you and people who study deep trauma/CPTSD/PTSD, because on your own it’s like trying to explain a series of books to someone in one page
Comment from : @DaisyAruba

Ever since I found this channel I become aware of the danger I am in, and my pastor telling me she will changeadvice please
Comment from : @lameckjohn3257

No I have never done that
Comment from : @lillienaulls3914

My narc got into my retirement funds and stole $400000! All it takes is a pin and a password
Comment from : @bellesterbeatty3571

8:08 - 8:31
Comment from : @guapify2320

5:55 - 7:07
Comment from : @guapify2320

1:21 - 2:22
Comment from : @guapify2320

0:06 - 0:48
Comment from : @guapify2320

I became homeless for my mom pulling back at 11th hour
Comment from : @candy5742

Hi Dr Ramani, we were not married, but I never had to hide money from him Even though he made much more than I did, I still paid for dates He used the EXCUSE that he was saving all his money for our wedding and honeymoon Yes, I was FUTURE FAKED, but it could have been worse We could have been married 👍💕
Comment from : @jannlewandowski5540

Doordash is helping me!
Comment from : @aprildamski8365

Tried to steal money from my parents to buy needs, it worked like once or twice, but eventually they began to keep track of the money even more Recently I've been scratching my head trying to figure out how I'm going to ask for a toothbrush and towel
Comment from : @thecatlikeprincess

💝💝
Comment from : @howtoaca7504

My ex loved to find me extra side jobs, all the while not having 1 job himself
Comment from : @mschlund1

Haha,just remembered another one, when my ex got a ring and proposed, turned out he opened a line of credit in both our names so I ended up paying for it in monthly payments in order to protect my credit score
Comment from : @mschlund1

He was hiding money from me I didn’t although I worked too
Comment from : @Cleomauser

Yep… guilt and embarrass the kids for even asking the them for anything They are their parent Why you asking me for ?!!
Comment from : @Joy1111

Wish I had seen this before… no one offered these suggestions n it didn’t occur to me in the abuse
Comment from : @Joy1111

Great video Doctor and incredibly helpful A little off topic but do you have any thing on Narcissist & self care routine or food abuse by any chance
Comment from : @Melly16yr10

I had to hide my own money because he didn't have his own and was stealing mine
Comment from : @natashaevsimon1441

Both my father and stepdad #2 (yeah, they come in numbers with me: "now serving #___") had to hide money from my mother because she would go and spend it on clothes rather than household necessities, food, car needs, etc She would yell her head off when she would get caught She still never "got" it when she couldn't open or close her closet door because she had more clothes than Saks 5th Avenue "That's my money; I earned it at work" While true, it was also money that you're supposed to put in the family jar or shared checking account She made a huge stink when she was asked to put more in so that we could get a new fridge brbrOne of my first memories in life is her making a stink about paying bills She yelled and threw a huge pile of money in the air Yeah, fun times at 4 years of age
Comment from : @jonnuanez7183

Dr thank you for all you do, all different subjects have been soooo helpful
Comment from : @nancyaho4639

YES!! but I do not feel guilty He had the f'n nerve to call my spending frivilousI said naw dumbass spending money on cigarettes and gambling is frivilous😑I started stock piling everything just to make sure we have our essentials I said it before and I will say it again The narcissist is so stupid😝
Comment from : @methatswho300

I do !And I don't regret it because it's going to be my way out!!
Comment from : @anamargarida1510

So true
Comment from : @herbiemihaka6763

hide money under carpets
Comment from : @harpsailorharp6716gg

My mother until this day still hides money from my narc Dad She hides it at my house, or she has ways to trick him out of money and squirrel it away from him So sad, yet necessary
Comment from : @gracecase998

I have learned the hard way with my Mom, what she doesn't know about ain't gonna hurt her! It's all about survival!
Comment from : @aprildamski8365

Thanks Doc Unfortunately my response would be " I work hard and I deserve to treat myself " Of course the narc gets mad Whatever!
Comment from : @patriciajoseph3035

😆… “hat in hand” when going to the parents I had determined at a young age that I would never owe my parents anything
Comment from : @chip4003

Finally the validation I need to know I am not messed up He will get whatever he wants whenever without discussion (always has been this way) But in the very early days of the marriage I knew he would not communicate with me; he would not budget with me to try and work toward common goals
Comment from : @chip4003

Even once I started earning my own money as a teenager, my mother would criticize my spending incessantly I truly could not win
Comment from : @lt827

That was my mom 😓
Comment from : @photina78

Everything Dr Ramani say is soo accurate and relatable If I spend money on my beauty treatment which isn't costly , he criticise but for his never ending Europe , Miami vacations , spending money on his mistresses , he don't see any problem in that
Comment from : @qisam2680

The less they know the better
Comment from : @Antoinette1205

Across all cases of intimate partner abuse, financial abuse is not only active in most cases, it's the most common type of abuse across all cases
Comment from : @sim1jake

yes, thats my strategy on getting out
Comment from : @jake90009

What happens when they find out is horrible
Comment from : @robinlessard6919

The old adage "Money is the root of all evil" really should be updated to "Money is the root of all evil ESPECIALLY when you're with a narcissist" br brMoney and power were the beginning of the end of my parents marriage My narc father slowly lost my trust but my breaking point was when he backed mom into a corner and FORCED her to start a separate account at a TOTALLY different bank because he'd become so obsessed with money and power that she thought he would try and drain their original joint account It takes a lot to make me cry but I cried to and from the bank Witnessing that has made even ME afraid to get a paying job (and I used to have one and LOVED it because it really gave me a self esteem boost) for fear of turning out just like him
Comment from : @LoveAuntAshley

My narc wanted me to hand over my debit card because he believed I’m irresponsible and he needed to “ buy the things for the house “ But he really just wanted to spend it on himself I declined the offer so now his mom sends him money every month so he can buy weed and pay his phone bill
Comment from : @phoenixrising8860

My narcissist mom used to write down how much money I owed her on an index card and tape it to the inside of a kitchen cabinet Bc I’m married to a narcissist I would struggle with money and she’d happily insist on giving me money to pay for preschool but would track every dime I soon learned not to ask for any help from her whatsoever Bc she used it against me much like my husband does
Comment from : @zeroeffsdoigivezerozeronon9202

Yes Thank you for your video and dedication to this subject!
Comment from : @PersianSherpa

My partner has stopped working so I have to take care of them financially So I feel like I cannot leave because they won't have anything and I feel stuck When I told them I wanted to separate they told me "but we can't afford two apartments" Knowing they aren't working and expecting me to pay for their new apartment
Comment from : @olil5477

Humph… this was my experience as a kid My dad was a money grubber and I had to keep any money I made a secret lest he guilt or bully me into respecting his entitlement to it The times my money became public knowledge I was always able to fight him off and was always scorned for it This was really really good; thx Doc!
Comment from : @kimaparks2592

Thank you Dr Ramani I love you You have helped me find sanity that has been stolen from me
Comment from : @terribealer8164

This one jus made me cry Oh my goodness Yes this is a toy what I face right now I literally was taking about 05 out of my pay check I get scrutinised I got caught and now I’m being punished because I dared to be so deceitful I now will take the the punishment of the spend brI was not doing anything bad, I was using the money mainly to do home improvement projects I have 1000 examples of cruelty used against me about money You should do a seminar on this topic I would attend
Comment from : @Utaker935

I receive SSI and my narc mother is my payee I take part of my "allowance" and hide it in a lock box, and get by minimally with the rest I once made the mistake of telling her that I was saving money; she feigned pride in me, but shortly thereafter she started saying she "shouldn't have to get more money because I already had money" I had to lie to her and told her I spent it all in order to continue receiving my income The sooner I can get away from her, the better
Comment from : @DizzyWolf

So glad I’m not dealing with this anymore! I was the only one who worked in our household (at times a full time job and part time job at the same time) My ex husband narc and I shared a bank account It was IMPOSSIBLE to save any money We were never able to pay all our monthly bills on time He refused to work the last 2 years of our marriage (we had a toddler and he didn’t want him going to daycare so he stayed home) When I would bring up the possibility of him getting a job to help with bills, he would tell me I don’t make enough money and need to find one that does or ask MY parents for help 😳 brbrYeah, I’m so glad I’m out of that marriage now! I can finally look back and realize how manipulative he was putting the responsibility of working a job, cleaning, cooking, and paying the bills on me I’m now able to pay ALL my bills on time and save money 😊
Comment from : @rachelsullivan3199

They so sensitive with money, my mom not really, but my sister, oh God, she's will do anything not to spend her money, like she don't want to put money at all and manipulate other people to use his/her money, to this day, my NPD sister still targeting perfect husband, with handsome face, rich, and suchbrbrDefinitely dangerous people to be aroundbrbrThank you to lightens this up Dr Ramani, idk all about this until I'm on my 30
Comment from : @Peanuts76

I started saving money as a child, christmas, birthday gifts etc I was good at school and started saving all the scholarships I could to save up even more Everytime I needed something I just went out and got it, without asking my parents for it They always shamed me for asking and they loved control, so I just avoided it I visited cities but everytime I was packing or preparing for the trip they always came to me and said there was no money I had to pay for it if I wanted to go At the same time they bought really expensive things for themselves and for my brother; there was nothing for me I was not worth the money
Comment from : @SMint-xo7vf

Husband had everything on charge card so he could get rebate He looks at slips He complained about how many candybars i bought
Comment from : @brendakrause5639

My NM used money to buy ALL of my friends, relatives and exes It worked
Comment from : @bumblebee803

This was excellent, my mom was a true Narcissist, still is I just now realize in my 40's I just realized how it effects me still I still hide money from my spouse now, not because of anything in the marriage I think this is just a carry over from my childhood I have never needed to use any of the hidden money but it is just the comfort of knowing it is there Weird Horrible mother
Comment from : @rosiej1473

Man, the accuracy Dr Ramani
Comment from : @mantwamadiba4715

My narco/path had me arrested & attempted to have me locked in a psych ward when he discovered that I was attempting to escapeBe Careful!❤ Blessings for an Amazing future💕💕💕💕
Comment from : @taffylove6193

Yeah I was in that situation years ago I was driving junkers even though I made decent money I couldn't afford a car payment After I got divorced, I found out that my ex had bought one of her boyfriends a cash car while I was married Sucks but 5 years later, all of that has made me a lot stronger and wiser Videos like these are great in shedding light on things as well as doing a lot of self reflecting
Comment from : @lilcaesarman

I just wrote a comment And it did not show up on the commentary I am sad
Comment from : @brendalamb7520

Yes!
Comment from : @marinaSassygUrl88

Yes makes alot of sense 💯💕brThank you so much, God bless 🙏
Comment from : @rashneedhanpal9517

Can a person who had a narcissistic parent also develop a control issue over money (or any of their traits for that matter) with their partner even if they themselves aren’t narcissistic? And if so, and you see this, how do you delicately approach them about it without triggering them?
Comment from : @jessica5657

I hid money - for my escape
Comment from : @teachersusan3730

wowbrthis is SO SO sad & TRUEbrsigh
Comment from : @user-kk6ov4pd2s

Maybe I should already know this, but is Narcissism a spectrum disorder?brI ask on this particular video because my spouse doesn’t completely micromanage me on daily expenditures bbut/b on the flip side is financially abusing me by not allowing me to get a self sustaining job/career
Comment from : @forannies

I'm 9 months pregnant and I cannot work right now His dad gave me money for the groceries ( his dad is also a narcisist ), and I had to hide it because my narcicistic husband loves to gamble He found out and I was the guilty one in his dads eyes and his I had to gave him the money back
Comment from : @meryem9664

The less you divulge to the narc the better I learned the hard way Now I say nothing Hide money so I can get out These idiots are all about themselves in every way I'm done Thankful that I stumbled upon these videos and by the responses I know I am not crazy like he has told me I am
Comment from : @headscrewedonright9030

Dr RamanibrWould it be possible for you to talk about how to survive Nar manipulation, particularly when the Nar uses his/her illness (mild or otherwise), to get attention and exude sympathy from you?
Comment from : @sudeepparaghamian7468

He controls it all His check is electronically deposited, I don’t even know what he makes an hr Pisses me off but why can a wife do ? Been together 18 yrs and it’s been a concern of mine since we married I hate to ask for anything and shouldnt have to ask I’m tired 😪 and yes I’m the empath What’s worse I’m disabled and have no control ability to go out and make more money, my health conditions will never improve He won’t changed, and I know this, so I guess I either live this way the rest of my life or leave I’ve never felt like an equalbrPartner when it comes tobrMoney
Comment from : @lisap3344