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Psychology of Lending and Borrowing Money

Daniel Mackler 11 views

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I used to request loans from my Aunt, and I would pay her back every time I don't ask for loans anymore since I landed a great job and place of my own! I view loans as, it should be a dire need to ask Not "I'm only going to talk to my "friend" when I need money This is the problem I was responsible and considerate of loans I ever had and paid them back at reasonable quick as possible times, while maintaining the relationship But anyways, I have noticed that since I have been able to help others, "lend money" they keep asking for more, and have never paid me back So I'm cutting these people off, over time it just becomes so apparent that they just want your money They need to figure things out on their own like the rest of us! 🙈 I am just sick of being the nice person with these users in their debts I've helped them enough and I'm just going to ignore them all They aren't friends, they are blood suckers 😂
Comment from : @elijahhowell118

If someone shows you who they are believe them
Comment from : @waynemacdad1537

Money is needed to do stuff and those without it have to get it in one way or another
Comment from : @donaldlyons17

All I can say is your character has alot to do with what you do in life So I look at a persons character and so far I have been spot on with who to lend to and who not to lend to
Comment from : @dolcifioricakes

We're all slaves to the capitalist system
Comment from : @fb90021

In 1971 Mary Ellen Fitzgerald borrowed $1 from me and never paid me back Still remember it until today She taught me a valuable lesson
Comment from : @GussieWondriska

Never help others financially It is not your problem if another cant handle adulthood I have no problem with NO But l will also lose respect for them Friendship is over for me
Comment from : @gracesanity6314

Can learned helplessness be a function of borrowing money?? Seems that may be a factor in always needing money as an adult
Comment from : @chrisconway9089

I think if you can’t see evidence of a serious problem, it’s them taking advantage of you
Comment from : @itsnotaus

Creating stress and stressful lifestyles to distract from real issues is spot on You are fabulous everything you say rings true for me I am so happy to have found your channel Much Love and Light X
Comment from : @starduck8014

My top 5 criteria when it comes to loaning money
Comment from : @marleyjanim5033

Did he pay you back ?
Comment from : @agatagoldy

A couple of friends have said they would lend me money to get a slightly better home I see something like that as a last resort I told them if we did that, we should get it drawn up with a lawyer But listening to this, I will be happy to turn down their generous offer
Comment from : @bink865

What a great topic
Comment from : @bink865

Someone just asked me for moneyleft me feeling disrespected and violated (they are an ex boyfriend whom i havent seen in 23yrsonly got back in touch few agonow this disrespectful bombshell)😢😢
Comment from : @missbettyboop2509

I wonder did your friend ever pay you back, Daniel?
Comment from : @SantaFeSuperChief1

What happens when your partner is always asking for money? How does that change the dynamics of the relationship?
Comment from : @SDHT1111

Wow
Comment from : @-m9198

You, dear Daniel, are beyond "useful" You are the best role model any of us could hope to have 🙏
Comment from : @susha4511

But did it spoil your friendship talking about your friend in this video?
Comment from : @theelectricalengineer

If someone asks you for money, and you don't want to lend it, just tell them you'd love to help, but you can't afford it
Comment from : @Steve197201

Did he pay you back?
Comment from : @kriswright2593

same
Comment from : @catyathiest2015

thank you
Comment from : @vaneakatok

There is a phrase 'friendship stops with money', another one 'never lend money if you are not prepare to loose it' I was never asked for money by a friend/acquaintance However, the wife of my ex-boyfriend best friend and I met sometimes and she had small kids She asked me once to meet in the mall At the time I didn't know how to set boundaries as I wanted to be social as well So we ended up in the mall in the hypermarket her with the basket full of family groceries and when it came to paying she didn't have money in her wallet/on the card I ended up paying for her It took months for me to get the money back She didn't ask me for it, instead she tricked me into this by luring me into the mall under the pretense she wanted to meet up I am sure my boyfriend knew They were from the same country which follows the clan mentality but grew up in the West The sad part, they produced one child after the other whilst having no money as it seemed One day I met her she was very thin, but she never spoke about it She was 28 at the time and was fully grey with 3 children and a husband who apparently couldn't 't provide 3 years after marrying him I think it was her cousin as well as my ex-boyfriend later indicated to me And she had a day job herself So a very stressful life Who knows how many kids they have now over 10 years later I am sure many more But perhaps they are doing better now as they wanted to buy a farm and sell the produce And surely the kids are big now (most of them were boys) and will provide for their parents
Comment from : @newtonmoon

An older guy I knew lent me money when I was much younger I never had my act together enough to pay it back before we lost contact, so eventually I gave the same amount to another friend who needed it (I told him it wasn’t mine so he could thank the universe and pay it on) He died, but used the money to digitize a series of talks that are still on YouTube
Comment from : @zakatista1330

I am so so grateful to have come across your channel Daniel You speak to transparently, your thoughts are so well articulated and your thoughts are so honest and helpful You lead with bravery and humbleness and that is a very rare human trait these days Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts
Comment from : @rabiamahmood

It’s plain and simple You know when you’re dealing with a person who will “pay it back” or notbrbrAlso this really isn’t about money It’s about feelings of guilt and shame Which is codependency and childhood wounding brbrYou know when you give someone money and you’re ok or not That’s the lesson is either being ok to give someone money and not complain about it Or giving it and feeling ok about it There is no right or wrong but how you feel about the situation and if you’re ok with it That’s all that matters
Comment from : @ssing7113

Can I suggest something: don't overestimate your responsibility I say that from experience
Comment from : @annekegermers821

I've been burned most times I've lent money I also have a friend that always offers to lend me money, and I've never taken it We've been friends now for 35 yrs All those others, I don't know anymore It's true that it will ruin a friendship Basically if you lend money, you're just paying an exit fee
Comment from : @Waitaminute2015

I just found your channel thank you for your work it really helps to listen to how you break behaviors down
Comment from : @livinggood6876

Came back to this after someone surprisingly asked me for a loan today Great addition with the Shakespeare too:)
Comment from : @kp2718

Why would you stay friends with someone who treats others that way?
Comment from : @comoane

Could you explain the psychology of lending and returning books I have lost books never returned even after asking numerous timesbrOr why you remember that friend's birthday, but they never remember yours, even after a lifetime of knowing thembrbrIf you go to uni here, Australia, you build up a HECS debt In this system the government loans you the money You have to earn a certain amount, there is a threshold, before you have to pay it back Because of this some people never pay it back Higher earners pay it back as soon as they start working Unlike America there is no such thing as your parents 'putting you through college' You pay for it yourself
Comment from : @streaming5332

Yep you can tell you don't like to borrow money the most interesting part of this video
Comment from : @MaryKoepkeFields

Strange to me No one has ever asked me to loan them money
Comment from : @MaryKoepkeFields

These last couple of years of plandemia madness has taught me a few things- one of which was to ditch my mortgage and disengage from that slavery system I sold my house in the city suburbs and with the little I had, bought 9 acres in the bush and have a tiny home to go on it It's been a pretty severe learning curve, the off grid journey, but it's better than supporting the parasitic banks Thanks for sharing Daniel
Comment from : @carl8568

I hate when i was younger and how I was hungry and my mom had to repay people I got food from because of money and having it back
Comment from : @ethericshadows1303

You seem to a balanced, realistic approach to borrowing or lending money If you lend, be prepared for it to be a gift
Comment from : @thebreeze6765

This video were to be called: "how to never see your money back with a single youtube post" Daniel 🤦‍♂️😂
Comment from : @mantralibre1367

IF YOU FEEL YOU WILL HEAL | How to Fix Hoarse Vocals | Chris Liepe brbr youtube/-1QvZrvnRbs
Comment from : @sojournerkarunatruth4406

really good insight i majorly regret the one time i lent money its been years and i still feel betrayed and robbed by that person who was like a brother to me he got a tattoo when he could have done right by me and paid me back instead i dont feel like i'll ever be able to forgive him
Comment from : @vidoxi

I find that the more you help someone the more they become dependent on you for help If you lend someone money, more often than not they will take even less responsibility with their finances because they know that if they run out they can always come to you Sometimes refusing to help people is actually what will help them the most Of course there are exceptions
Comment from : @AnxietyMentor

Can you please make a video on "bad spending" I'm curious as to why people put themselves in such perilous situations with their lavish spending
Comment from : @neon75105

Just say you don't loan anyone money, not even your dying motherbrbrThat shuts them up quick
Comment from : @CR055FIRE

Such a timely video for me I recently loaned money to someone and he's asking me for more because his old debts (he'd never told me about before) had caught up with him While I care about him I don't think I can do it again, not even because I might not get it back, but out of principle, I think he's taking an easy way out instead of considering other, harder options I also think he doesn't care about me the same way and maybe even the friendship started because of money? It would be a good topic for a video about how money changes the dynamics - do people see you more as an ATM when they borrow or what is it about? They're so desperate to meet their basic needs that they don't care about others or they're ashamed of their flaws that the friendship gets more superficial? I don't know what it is but there's something at play here
Comment from : @sylwiapro2791

If you want maintain the friendship, never let a promise to repay suffice When people gave me their word that they would repay, they usually did not The important thing is to get it in writing That preserves the friendship, & they will always pay it back, because in the back of their minds they know you can take them to small claims court
Comment from : @strawberryseason

People often don't realize, or seem to care at times, that when you are loaning money you are putting your hand out for them It's trust, vulnerability, and respect that you are holding outward If there's always an excuse, or you pretend it never even happened, it's not "just" 50, 20, or even 5 dollars You are telling me that the aforementioned things are not valued by you over that small gain
Comment from : @badusername141

Daniel, as one of your most faithful supporters, you know I'll pay you back could you lend me just enough to get me through this summer, my friend??? : D Thank you for an excellent and thorough scan of all the ins and outs and both sides now of the Lending/Borrowing scenes!! I've been on the Lending end too many times, and have lost the loan, felt the guilt, etc The child and parent shadows are indeed all over these interactions A future reprise of the topic would hold lots of promise, I bet
Comment from : @not2tees

Man your timing is always so uncanny- each video/new video I come across is something I'm going through or have been ruminating upon Really grateful for this channel, always fun to hear you
Comment from : @jordanferguson2254

My dad said you shouldn't loan money to people GIVE them the money, or don't, but never loan
Comment from : @exbronco

Wise Great message ☮
Comment from : @SteveJones379

So much of what you’re saying here doesn’t add up You loaned someone who is notoriously irresponsible with money an amount of money that would take you a long time to earn? You don’t strike me as someone who would do something like that at all, let alone make a video to complain about it? Weird
Comment from : @katieandnick4113

Daniel, most people just doesn't care, about anything, themselves, others, there are no friends, never was
Comment from : @idan4989

Erich Fromm said, in order to learn say yes you must learn to say no
Comment from : @idan4989

When you lend money be sure not get it back People who beg never return it, don't get me wrong sometimes people really need it but usually these people do not pressure you -they just ask If you say no they are ok with it So it is over
Comment from : @tarasteward3271

Ah, the perils of rich people, ones I’ll never have😁😁for sure watching my “dad” buy “ friends”/ puppets/“security” gave me great disdain for other rich people, prostitutes/ puppets and money itself and everything it buys I think my dad hates that, cause that removes the competition that rich people need to stay rich and feel entitled/control people
Comment from : @claressarichardson1374

That wouldn't have been a friend in the first place If they truly intended to rip you off
Comment from : @theskeletonsskeletons9495

I think we like to think that money is something that can really help people, but all too often we learn that money is not what people ireally/i need, hence this can lead to a lot of mixed feelings Money is such a complex thing, because it can lead to both production and destruction, simultaneously
Comment from : @potts995

Think of it as a gift lesson learned I have never had anyone ask me for money but gave a friend a gift of $200 when she was in need in another country
Comment from : @laurieb2296

Phenomenal video I’m also in the same position I want to pay my student loans after I become a therapist as fast as I can and be an independent entity as well It’s taken a lot of healing and self care and ultimately hard work to no longer take out loans and take care of my debts
Comment from : @jalc456

The thing to say is I care about our friendship too much to lend you money This was very thought provoking I hope he pays you back In the back of my mind I don't trust the other guy because although he didn't steal from you he would have if you had said yes
Comment from : @beckbabej

They usually do not pay back And in the end of the day you are the bad guy of the movie This happened to me with one that was supposed to be my best friend Not friends any longer She did pay back after almost 4 years
Comment from : @PsiologaLilyValentina

Such good insight on so many different points of borrowing & lending money! I heard Dave Ramsey say never to loan money to anyone, but to instead only give it as a gift That way you’ll be fine emotionally if you don’t get it back because it was a gift to begin with… there’s no pressure & you’ll be in a position to comfortably be without the money, as you said it would be surplus I appreciate you going deep on this subject! Very good
Comment from : @april82daisies

It's amazing how, with all the work I have done on myself, I can still so easily open my mouth say a very confident NO, but yes will come outbrbrIt's an addiction - which has nothing to do with helping people It's purely about soothing my own guilt and shame - and as I say yes I'm acutely aware of it I know very well that my enabling will damage them as much as it will mebrbrYou hit the nail right on the head when you mentioned that the people who ask for money almost never take any meaningful look at their own psychologybrbrNever take another person's journey away from them!
Comment from : @andrewparry1474

Oh and btw, vote with your money 🗳 💰 and your own energy; as those are synonymous
Comment from : @sojournerkarunatruth4406

Oh no! Wow the notification for this video really grabbed me fascinating topic
Comment from : @honoryourself2098

I’ve heard you express, in b*more*/b bthan/b b*one*/b previous video, that YOU DOn’T waNT pEoplE TO b*FEEL*/b the pain of revisiting childhood trauma, but you want everyone to have the outcomebrbrI used to just chalk that up to a PR ‘stunt’ #soundsnice but, idk, are you still afraid to genuinely, review your own traumas and see them, through adult eyes 👀 brbrWhat do you imagine you’re going to “lose” if you process your trauma; connecting with others to synthetically, empathize with you, isn’t b*that*/b great, I’ve learned and re-learned through experiencebrBut I can’t, factually, know your life; people only know the projection of what they b*think*/b you might, be 🌞
Comment from : @sojournerkarunatruth4406

One thing that bugs me however is why in the world are you friends with someone who gleefully doesn’t pay back huge sums of money he owes people?
Comment from : @pod9363

Daniel, do you want him to watch this video?
Comment from : @ThomasARichardson

You and Aaron Clarey’s views on saving money are literally the reasons I’m not broke today Before I learned about this “island of safety” that’s necessary for healing I was living paycheck to paycheck having had taken “arbitrary” distance from my FOO It hadn’t occurred to me that the healing I was after needed more than just physical safety in my life It’s interesting how easily my mind shifted to “save-money-mode” once I got that nugget of advice Like someone flipped a switch and now it’s my primary goal brbrI actually can now see why a friend didn’t wanna lend me money when I was broke If I’m broke, but have a full time job making 13/hr and my bills aren’t that big to begin with, it makes sense that he’d think the main driver of me being broke wasn’t my money but what I did with the money I had Like lending money to someone who spends it stupidly Basically it’s like if they have to ask for money, chances are they have bigger issues than being short on cash
Comment from : @pod9363

Off subject commentquestion here: Have you read "Escape from Evil" or "Denial of Death"?
Comment from : @doubleaz1234

So in short, most people are parasites and they justify it to themselves from all the times, particularily in childhood, others parasited off of them Nice state of the world we've got here on Earth
Comment from : @nothingtofind9099